Life can certainly bring on various kinds of stressors- a sick parent, career setbacks or financial worries; all of these situations can test our coping skills. Many of us weren’t taught how to bounce back from a set-back and in this age of “everybody gets a trophy”, we need to be careful that we do not continue to create emotionally fragile generations. What has helped me during the times where I have been emotionally tested is leveraging hope to build my resilience. We all know that Hope is the anticipation of something good happening and I believe Hope is a first cousin to optimism. Being optimistic helps you stay focused on the “possibility” when you face disappointment, and ultimately keeps you moving FORWARD and taking actions that will lead you to a breakthrough.
Years ago, during an unemployment stint, I interviewed for a Tax Accountant position with a big construction company. The position would serve as the accountant to manage the owner’s personal trust accounts. I had the first interview, was called back for the second interview, and then called back for the third interview… I knew this job was mine! I even went out and “purchased” a suit…and tucked the tags because the suit was going back! During the 3rd interview, the interviewer shared with me how qualified she thought I was and that she knew that I could easily do the job…But… she added… the owner of the company had to be comfortable with the person because they would be working closely together and therefore I would not be getting the job. He wouldn’t be comfortable with ME!?! How is that!?! I HAD NOT HAD ANY INTERACTION WITH THE OWNER AT ALL!!!! I was annoyed and frustrated. Did they not know that I was a Black woman after the first interview!?! I was also disappointed because I needed a job. But, I had to find the silver lining in that experience. What helped me be resilient during that experience?
Gratitude. Practicing gratitude takes the focus off of what isn’t going right, to what is. I determined that I was being protected from an experience that would not serve me well… the interviewers recognized that I was qualified and capable, but something that had nothing to do with my skills hindered me from getting a job. Who knows what I would have encountered on that job, and for that NO, I became grateful!
What are other ways to become more resilient?
Find the lesson – What are the takeaways? There could be many lessons and sometimes the takeaway is simply “not now”. It is so important to find the lesson.
Remember your why – Why is it important that you achieve what you are striving for?
Find Support – Encouragement from a support system can help sustain resilience and create accountability to ensure that you can continue to press forward.
The trials of life will test you, but know that your resilience is strengthening each time you bounce back!
